Love shouldn’t hurt: Teaching York Teens What Healthy Love Looks Like

Love shouldn’t hurt — the theme of the 2026 Love Conference in York led by Tavon Parker and The Advantage Program — set the tone for a powerful afternoon of learning, reflection, and honest conversation.

When many people think of abuse, they picture physical violence that leaves visible marks. “But not every form of abuse leaves a mark,” said Nesha Zackery, Vice President of Unstoppable You Ministries and co-host of the event.

Zackery shared a personal story of a past relationship marked by emotional abuse. She described a boyfriend who belittled her with sharp words, rejected her, and then followed those moments with “love bombing” — a manipulative tactic that overwhelms a partner with excessive affection to create emotional influence and dependency. What often follows, she explained, is controlling or abusive behavior. A slight tightness filled her voice as she recalled being called “stupid” or hearing, “You think you’re better than me?”

She warned the 25+ youth in attendance to watch for red flags that can lead to isolation, jealousy, and retaliation. One story struck deep. Her teenage boyfriend once had a friend answer her phone call so she could hear him say, “Tell her I’m not here.” The pain of rejection left her wounded and vulnerable — a reminder of how emotional harm can shape self-worth.

The conference drew nearly 70 attendees eager to learn more about the intersection of dating violence, mental health, and unhealthy coping strategies such as substance use. The York County Safety Collab, the nonprofit I direct, co-hosted the event to promote safety, including safety within teenage relationships.

In addition to a short presentation on recognizing when to ask for help, I moderated a teen panel of five youth who offered a candid glimpse into what it’s like to be young in 2026. One question resonated strongly with the audience: “What makes it hard for you to ask for help?”

Their answers centered on adults: “Being made to feel stupid,” and “wanting to be independent,” because asking for help is often seen as weakness. Adults walked away with a powerful takeaway. We need to listen more, speak less, avoid judgment, validate emotions, and remind youth of their past successes.

“Abuse can happen to anybody,” said Judge Michael Flannelly of the York County Court of Common Pleas and Wellness Courts. He shared that he heard nearly 35 protection-from-abuse cases in just one week. “The most important thing is that you’re safe. And that you feel safe.”

The gathering, held at Logos Academy, included a therapy room, a game room, gym activities like line dancing and basketball, and books that promoted self-care, ensuring the event supported emotional, physical, and mental well-being.

Jennifer Foxworthy, President and CEO of Unstoppable You Ministries, reflected on the purpose of the day. “The Mental Health Love Conference is the epitome of the phrase, collaboration over competition. Three organizations understood the big picture- community service,” Foxworthy said. “We came together to bring awareness and resources to teens and adults concerning an array of topics. I believe it was a huge success.”

Data from 2025 shows that 90% of 8th graders, 81% of 10th graders, and 66% of 12th graders have abstained from all drugs. Byrnes Health Education Center not only discussed the dangers of substance use, but also brought interactive activities such as drunk goggles. These special glasses distort vision to simulate impairment in a safe, educational way, helping youth understand how alcohol affects coordination, balance, reaction time, and judgment as well as why impaired driving is dangerous.

Dr. Michael Diller from WellSpan Health closed with five core reminders for well-being. My favorite: Control the controllable. Focus on what you can influence, and release what you cannot. One of the most powerful things within our control is building healthy relationships.

Zackery ended the conference with a sobering reminder: “It’s a slippery slope from sharp words to a slap across the face. If they hit you one time, it breaks the seal. If you come back, you’ve accepted what just happened.”

Teach your teenagers about love — that’s what inspired Parker to organize this conference. Relationships are inevitable, and parents, educators, and caring adults must have honest conversations about healthy relationships. Those conversations can save lives.